Navigating Valentine’s Day when you are battling infertility

Discover how to navigate Valentine's Day when facing the challenges of infertility.

Explore ideas on redefining romance, honouring your unique story, and weaving the minutiae of the mundane into a rich tapestry of enduring partnership of love and connection.

Roses, champagne, candlelight dinner, romance.  Happy couple’s gazing lovingly into each other eyes.

But what happens when your relationship is struggling due to being on the IVF roller coaster or trying to negotiate the end of your dreams of having children. Or maybe you have been a childless couple for a very long time and Valentine’s Day is a poignant reminder of changes in intimacy as your life changed from fun to baby making hope to stress.

How can you navigate this day without having a meltdown?

Firstly – Valentine’s Day is really just another day in February. We do not need a date on the calendar to remind us to lovingly connect. If you don’t feel up to doing anything special on February 14, give yourself permission not to. Maybe choose another day that is meaningful – anniversary, birthday, random day to show each other how you feel.

Or maybe, just focus on making each day a day to connect in some small way.  Enduring sustainable romance is not only in the big gestures but more so in the small daily efforts of caring. The subtle minutiae of a life shared – the morning cuppa, a shared joke, doing the dishes (or loading the dishwasher) so your partner can catch their favourite movie. There is a myriad of nuances that weave the rich tapestry of expressions of affection and care.  Find what is uniquely yours and create your own tapestry of romance and connection.

Second – maybe reflect on what makes your relationship special. Your strengths, resilience, the things that you enjoy about each other. What has kept you together through the ups and downs of fertility challenges?

Third – honour yourselves and your unique story.  What brought you together?  What contributes to your unwavering commitment to stay together in spite of all your challenges and losses? What brings moments of joy and laughter to your lives? What values form the foundation of your commitment? What is the cornerstone of your partnership?

Ultimately, an infertile marriage can be a partnership of love, communication, support and enduring romance.  Understanding your own individual needs and creating safe spaces to express feelings – both positive and negative can strengthen bonds and deepen connections.

Ask yourself and each other : How can you continue to build a life together that you love as a family of two?

If any of this resonates with you and you would like to explore how to strengthen your connection, please contact me for a no obligation confidential discussion.