Two is still a family

Don’t let your relationship become a casualty of infertility. Keeping love alive through understanding love languages

It is no secret that a diagnosis of infertility, the IVF process, and subsequent childlessness may put an enormous strain on even the most loving of relationships.

So how do you create and maintain depth and richness of love in a childless relationship during and after being on the grueling #ivfrollercoaster? There is no one answer to this question.

Many in the childless community have created loving lasting relationships through their own wide and varied methods.

I personally like using the concept of love languages as a foundation to explore how we can always keep a spark in our relationship.  

Love languages, originally popularized by Dr. Gary Chapman, as a general guide to how most people communicate their needs for love and affection are Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch.

Based on Dr Chapman’s work – here are my thoughts on Love Languages for the childless relationship

Words of Affirmation = words have power.  Simple words can carry immense weight, shaping the emotional landscape of relationships. Whether it's expressing gratitude, encouragement, or compliments, verbal affirmations become a vital means of building and sustaining meaningful connections.  Always be gentle, kind, and inclusive in your words. Recognising and affirming a person’s worth regardless of their fertility is a valuable mindset when interacting with each other.  We are worthy simply because we are. How can you affirm your partner in the minutiae of day-to-day living?

Acts of Service = So much love with nowhere to go.  In addition to acts of service to each other such as helping out with tasks the other might not like or have time to do, finding causes to support in line with your shared values could also be a way to bond in meaning and purpose. From helping a neighbour with household tasks to volunteering for a charitable cause, acts of service with a focus on others may help as a tangible expression of love and commitment that you share with others. What might be some areas of service you could explore together?

Receiving Gifts can also include the joy of giving. Thoughtful and meaningful presents can strengthen emotional bonds. These gifts need not be extravagant. The intention and sentiment make the gesture meaningful. Sometimes it could be the very special gift of self.  Being present and involved in an activity that is of importance to the other.  Listening with intent to understand not reply is a valuable gift, encouragement is another.  What are some non-monetary gifts that you can give and that you would enjoy receiving?

Quality Time = Investing in each other.  How about the gift of time? Having a coffee, going for a walk, working on projects together. These can be great gifts that become a cornerstone to acknowledge their presence is of value to you.  What are some ways you can give your time?

Physical Touch = rekindling intimacy. Physical touch  can sometimes go by the wayside when we have become used to schedules on the calendar while on treatment. Simple gestures like hugs, kisses, and holding hands can convey affection and intimacy. Non-sexual physical touch can be a useful way to convey love and keep the spark alive. How can you use touch as means to connect?

Don’t let your relationship become a casualty of infertility.

Understanding and communicating your unique love languages while exploring out of the ordinary ways to express feelings can lead to deeper connections and add to creating your own rich tapestry of a long lasting meaningful relationship.

 If any of this resonates with you and you would like to explore how to strengthen your connection, please contact me for a no obligation confidential discussion.