Services

Counselling and Psychotherapy

Grief & Loss

"You cannot prevent the birds of sorrow from flying over your head, but you can prevent them from building nests in your hair."
Old Chinese proverb

The IVF journey is scattered with many losses – primary and secondary.

Primary losses are the initial (actual) loss eg loss of embryos, miscarriage, baby loss at any stage for any reason.  Secondary losses are the losses that follow this first loss eg the loss of your hopes and dreams, loss of friendships, loss of time, and other sacrifices made on this journey.

At Life After IVF, you are seen and heard.  Your story is respected.  And, you have a safe space to mourn your losses and honour your grief.

Giving yourself time and permission to grieve, no matter how fresh or long ago your loss happened can be a healing process.

Grief is as unique as our fingerprints.

Using contemporary grief models and interventions, I will work with you to facilitate a process that makes sense to you and meets your unique and individual needs to honour your losses.

Hidden Grief 

"There is no grief like the grief that does not speak."
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

You may have navigated this IVF life alone or with little support either by choice or simply because it was just too hard to reach out for support.

You may have had embryos created but not achieved a pregnancy, had early losses, or medically required terminations, which may have meant you had no opportunity to have these losses acknowledged and mourned in a way that brought healing and comfort.  You may not have been able to verbalise your feelings about the IVF process and losses, both tangible and intangible, along the way and now going forward.  

Or, you may be at a stage now where friends and family are be having grandchildren and your grandchildlessness has retriggered your grief. It is not easy to share these feelings with others especially if you disembarked the IVF roller coaster quite a while ago.   

I’d like to assure you - you are not alone.  

Many of the losses in the IVF journey are invisible leading to what is called hidden or disenfranchised grief where there is no acknowledgement of your loss or grief.

However, I believe all of your losses are real and deserve a space to be acknowledged, validated, and grieved. I can work with you to enfranchise your grief by providing the space and strategies to acknowledge these losses and work through your feelings as needed.

Redefining Yourself

“I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.”
― Carl Jung

Ending the IVF journey may leave one in a state of questioning.

You may have had dreams of what your life would look like and disembarking the IVF roller coaster without a baby may leave you wondering What now ? Where to next ?

You may have existential questions on who am I now that I am not a parent ? What will give my life meaning going forward ? What is my identity ? Who do I want my future self to be ?

Using a gentle exploration of values and meaning, based on your foundations of cultural and spiritual* sensitivity, I help you answer these big questions and redefine yourself and your goals moving forward in your new / different normal.

*Spiritual refers to what gives you meaning, joy, and connection. This may include religion for some people, but in this context, the exploration is not based on any religious beliefs or philosophy. I work with the broad definition of spiritual as relating to self, nature, others, creative expression, and something greater than ourselves if relevant, which for some may be God / religion, or a belief in the divine whatever that means for you.

Coaching

Re-evaluating purpose and meaning

Letting go of the baby dream may lead to a deep questioning of what the future looks like for you. You may want to re-evaluate purpose and meaning in the context of being a non-parent.

A renewed sense of purpose and meaning can lead to improved physical, mental, emotional and spiritual wellbeing.

I work with you to ask the big questions such as who do you want to be, what fulfils you, what sparks joy and act as your sounding board - facilitating your journey to find answers that bring personal meaning and renewed motivation.  

Relationship Rescue

It is no secret that infertility, loss, and the IVF roller coaster adds a dimension of stress to many relationships not easily understood by many.  

You may have been so focussed on becoming parents that you may have forgotten how to be partners. Or, you may have difficulty communicating with each other due to differences in grieving styles, dreams of what moving forwards means, or simply because you are no longer the same two people who embarked the IVF roller coaster.

All of this is a normal experience of many couples.

Sometimes it helps to speak with an independent 3rd party who hears you, sees your struggles, and provides a safe space to articulate your thoughts and feelings.

Using a blend of contemporary therapy models that understand grief and loss, explore identity and meaning, and revisit communication strategies, I would be honoured to be this independent 3rd party and work with you to rescue your relationship.

Communications

Too often, the journey on the IVF roller coaster and its aftermath can leave you feeling exhausted. You may have developed a pattern of communicating with your partner, family, colleagues, and even strangers that has served to protect your feelings.

Sometimes these strategies we develop to help us cope while in treatment can also hold us back when attempting to re-enter our new / different normal post IVF world.

At Life After IVF, I understand the stresses of living with involuntary childlessness and what this could mean for seemingly normal situations such as how to respond to an invitation to a baby shower or to a child oriented social event.  There may also be the awkward situations at work where you may be asked to do overtime because a parent has to attend a school event although you already had plans for that evening. Or you may find yourself limiting social activities simply because the conversations focus on childbearing and rearing and you feel unable to contribute to the conversation.

Using a variety of communication strategies, we can explore how to develop your strengths and skills in communicating respectfully while being firm in establishing your own needs and boundaries.