The lonely aloneness of IVF

The IVF Roller Coaster is a crowded, yet lonely place.

At times, one can feel extremely alone and abandoned.

For many of us, especially those who went through IVF in the early days (I’m talking about the ‘90s here), it was not something we talked about openly. We kept our treatment quiet, almost a dirty little secret. From my readings of more recent blogs and articles, not much has changed.  While there are celebrities and facebook pages talking about their IVF experiences, losses, and miracle babies, it appears that many people still prefer to keep their treatment quiet.

There is a recent ad on Melbourne TV where a man says “of all my friends, I am the only one”. This feeling of aloneness can be isolating. Often, it leaves individuals and couples feeling disconnected to the lives of their friends and families, especially when there are a lot of pregnancy announcements, baby showers, and births.

The friendship apocalypse is real as people get busy with their child focussed lives. Or we might choose to distance ourselves because their reality is so far from ours.

I love this image so kindly gifted to me from @drcamera as it describes so perfectly how I felt my life was when we were the only ones dealing with the challenges of infertility – empty, dark, broken, alone, and abandoned.  Much like this room, there was no joy in my life. The lonely empty chair beautifully articulates the emptiness and lonely aloneness I felt in the midst of the silence of the journey.

However, if you look carefully – there is a beautiful light filled scene outside the doorway – and… there is no door in the doorway.  I was the only one keeping myself in my dark room.  I spent so much time focussing on the dark, I forgot to look outside the room of my IVF focussed life, at the beauty and joy that was still possible and available.

Over time, I found that working through my grief, relearning a new normal, and looking for joy again has been liberating.

I no longer feel lonely or alone. I have found a way to thrive in my childless not by choice life.

If any of this resonates with you, if you are looking for a safe space where you can share your story to feel less alone and find a way forward, please reach out.

#youarenotalone, #griefandjoycancoexist, #infertility, #ivfjourney, #griefsupport, #itsoktocelebrate, #griefmuscles, , #CNBC, #involuntarychildlessness, #thrivingnotmerelyexisting, #samesexparents, # twomoms, #twodads, #findingjoyafterinfertility, #lifeafterivfau

 Photo Credit: @DoctorCamera