Finding balance in the fog of IVF
Do you find yourself constantly trying to balance expectations and priorities? Do you experience what I call the IVF fog? Where everything seems foggy and it’s difficult to focus on anything beyond the next cycle? Have you ended IVF treatment, but still feel you are in a fog?
Apart from the stress of balancing work deadlines, IVF appointments, and life in general, this fog could also be a result of grief. Yes, there is such a thing as grief brain which leads to this foggy feeling. According to the experts, grief brain fog is due to the brain being in a state of overload, which is normal for anyone in the midst of a treatment cycle or planning for the next one. This state of overload then affects memory, concentration and thought processes.
So why does this fogginess sometimes persist long after the IVF journey is over? One reason may be that you could still be dealing with the grief of primary and secondary losses. Grief comes in many forms and is a natural normal response to loss. What we may not be immediately aware of is the many secondary losses that are part of the IVF roller coaster and may last long after we have disembarked the treatment journey. Secondary losses are what we give up when trying to work through our initial loss. These may be anything from missing out on social events to promotions to missed milestones to just living carefree.
Sometimes living in this fog becomes so normal that we are no longer even aware of it. Just as grief is as unique as our fingerprints, the duration of grief fog also varies from person to person.
There are some simple things we can do to help us find balance again. The 3 S of self care – sleep, sustenance, social support is one way to start. Writing may also help – this could be in the form of making lists or journaling.
Being mindful of energy management rather than time management may also help. This could be by giving ourselves permission to only engage in that for which we have the physical, mental, and emotional energy. Learning to delegate and focus on our core strengths is another way to regain balance. This applies to the professional as well as the personal.
Additionally remembering that we as humans oscillate between normal and grief. Giving ourselves time and permission to honour our losses, to build grief muscles, so we can be fully present and engaged in the normal is an important part of the process.
Finding balance in the fog is a big area to work through with many variables and coping strategies depending on your unique strengths, abilities, and resilience. Working with a coach / therapist to identify areas of concern and develop strategies to move forward may help you regain balance as you move forward.
Please do contact me if you would like to explore some strategies specific to your unique needs.
photo credit @drcamera
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