I can buy myself flowers – triumphing over heartbreak

“I can buy myself flowers…Talk to myself for hours….I can take myself dancing…I can love me better” Miley Cyrus

Although this song is not related to living childless not by choice, these lyrics speak to me about selfcare, self-talk, independent celebration, and nurturing oneself to create a life of contentment that triumphs over heartbreak. 

Living childless not by choice is a complex roller coaster of emotions as we navigate a continuously changing landscape of expectations and acceptance. Society’s many voices can sometimes make us feel lonely, isolated, and unworthy, as so much of womanhood is equated with motherhood. There may be exclusion from social settings, triggers at significant dates, and sometimes our own self talk on identity, purpose, and meaning. Battling all of this in the aftermath of ending treatment, we can forget to love ourselves. I know I did.

What does it mean to love myself?

Brene Brown says “practicing self-love means learning how to trust ourselves, to treat ourselves with respect, and be kind and affectionate to ourselves.”  (source: Gifts of Imperfection). Loving ourselves works miracles in the journey of healing and accepting our new lives. It changes the way we talk to ourselves, the way we look after our whole selves, who we choose to associate with, how we spend our time, and a range of other thoughts, feelings, and behaviours. Loving ourselves provides a firm foundation for recreating new dreams and finding meaning and purpose. 

To me loving myself is about gentle self-discovery, empowerment, and celebrating the life I have.  

Of course, before we get to this point, for many of us, we need to acknowledge, honour, and work through the immense grief that often accompanies childlessness. Loving oneself and talking to oneself without blame and judgement is part of the process of mourning the life we envisioned and the experiences we hoped for.

Empowering ourselves

Several research papers discuss dance as a form of empowerment, promoting physical, mental, and emotional wellbeing. In the world of childlessness, taking myself dancing is a good allegory for giving myself permission to feel joy. To reshape how we think about and accept or reject societal narratives around self-worth and belonging. It is about freedom to reclaim one's identity beyond traditional roles and celebrate life.

To me buying myself flowers also symbolises cultivating an attitude of independence and strength and the ability to continue to bloom / grow when dealing with the friendship apocalypse of childlessness (more on this to come.) It represents a tangible reminder of spoiling myself when needed, validating my sense of self, and prioritising me. All of which contribute to helping create a celebratory attitude.

Triumph over heartbreak

When we have been through so much disappointment of repeated failed cycles and primary and secondary losses, we can forget what it means to celebrate the milestones and achievements we do have.  A simple act of buying oneself flowers is a way to create a ritual to commemorate personal victories and milestones. Whether it's overcoming a difficult day or embracing newfound strength, every step forward is worth celebrating.

Navigating the post-#ivfrollercoaster is filled with ups and downs.  In the midst of these highs and lows, it is important to focus on how we want our future to unfold. For me, it started with small gestures of self-care, ritual, and tangible reminders that I am important and worthy regardless of my reproductive ability.

I can buy myself flowers, talk to myself with compassion, take myself dancing, and love me better to build resilience, and look for joy and contentment in embracing my unique path forward.  

How about you?  Are you in a space where you are buying yourself flowers – symbolically and in reality?

 Please contact me for a confidential discussion if you would like to begin exploring create a life of contentment that triumphs over heartbreak. 

Photocred: https://www.amandameryle.com.au/personal-branding/

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